- They listen to you.
You would think that listening would be the easiest part of the role of a therapist or coach, but it is not. Active listeners will reveal themselves by showing understanding and relevant questioning. If you have a feeling that your coach is distracted when you speak, maybe it is a sign to seek out someone new. - They are a strong communicator.
A therapist or coach must demonstrate their ability to share concepts, connect with your story in a way that feels as though they care and understand, and give space to ask questions to make sure you understand what has been shared or explained. - They earn your trust.
Trust is THE most important ingredient in your relationship. Do you feel safe to share anything with them without fear of judgment? Do you feel supported and heard? - They challenge you and your thinking.
While there are various styles that therapists and coaches use to encourage personal growth, the challenges they bring should be done with care and respect. Unsolicited advice is not the role of a professional. It is time to reconsider the relationship if you experience shaming or are made to feel foolish. - You see them as an ally and support in your life.
A good therapist or coach acts as an ally. An effective professional will work to earn your trust and create a healthy bond with you based on that trust. They are not to be your boss, buddy, or best friend. - They are aware and thoughtful of all aspects of your identity.
We often seek out helpers that share similar values and backgrounds as ourselves. A good coach or therapist will make a strong effort to understand where you are coming from. Sometimes the differences in understanding one’s background or beliefs are limiting and finding someone who is a better fit for you is ok. - They keep the sessions about you.
Therapy and coaching sessions are to be all about you. It is not a time for sharing as you would with a friend. A coach or therapist might occasionally share relevant personal experiences but the professional must be never using your sessions to address their own concerns. It should be all about you; if it isn’t, it is time to make a change. - They offer helpful tools and resources.
Your time with a professional therapist or coach should be challenging and work. Seeking help is a start and be proud that you have the courage to examine your life. Some of the goals of time together are to help you discover new insights, develop new habits, and provide resources for more understanding. - You begin to notice a change in yourself.
Changing our thinking and processing information takes time. The time it takes to see improvement is deeply personal and is not a one size fits all approach. The American Psychological Association notes that for half of the people who seek therapy, it takes an average of 15 to 20 sessions for one to express they see the changes and resolutions they were looking for. That translates into 3 to 5 months when meeting weekly. - You don’t feel rushed in your goals.
A discussion at the beginning of your work together is a must. You would discuss your goals and an estimated timeline of working together. It is also important that your coach or therapist check in with you about how you feel you are progressing and if any concerns have come up with your sessions.
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